Using Challenges to Grow Strong

by Nancy Solari on February 3, 2012

Whether we like it or not, life offers continual challenges. It is in facing these challenges that we have the most personal growth.  Though not comfortable at the time, my stressful life experiences developed me into the woman I am today, the kind of woman I am proud to be. People can go either way – they can use challenges to better understand themselves and those in their lives, and become better for it, or they can use them to become bitter, sad or defeated. How we handle any challenge is key to the kind of person we are on the other side of it.

One determining factor on how we deal with issues or breakdowns is how we talk to ourselves. This internal voice is critical to your mind and body’s ability to withstand the stress of the situation. It might seem obvious to you that to thrive you need to stop listening to your internal critic, but do you do it? Do you tell your mind, “I am not listening to you,” when that voice is stopping you from taking action or encouraging self-destructive action? Interrupting the drone of the self-critic takes practice and courage. I say courage because your self-critic would rather you not listen to it and stay the same; to not listen and take unpredictable action means you are having a breakthrough. Breakthroughs mean growth, the self-critic’s enemy.

Another factor that determines how we handle difficult roadblocks is how we relate to their perceived permanence.  For example, people are not so good at seeing a bad day as just one day in a string of many days to come, most of which will be better than the bad one. We relate to the bad day as permanent: “This is a bad day and I am stuck with it.” It then determines how we relate to the rest of the day when really it was just one or a few bad things that happened all day long.

The most successful people I have met are able to recognize a challenging situation as an isolated moment in time and believe that life beyond that moment will be better.

Lastly, whether or not you think that people are paying attention to you can predict how you will face obstacles. If you think that no one cares about what you do or how you do it, you might make “unattractive” choices, like being grumpy, difficult or passive aggressive. If instead you consider yourself a role model to friends, family and co-workers, you might make more attractive choices like being straightforward about what you need or want in the situation.

Friends tell me that they are inspired by my creativity in finding solutions, specifically how I ask for help without being needy. Knowing that my friends (including you!) are paying attention keeps me focused on paths to breakthroughs rather then feeling sorry for myself.

Being February, this is the month a lot of people let the cold, dark weather effect how they feel about themselves and their lives. Rather than focus on how much more winter is left (or depend on a groundhog to cheer you up), tell you inner voice that you are going to be cheerful anyway. Remember that winter only lasts so long and that if you act with determination and fun in your life now, people will want to be with you while you move forward. Go full force into a project you are working on or begin something new. Volunteer your time to a cause that makes you feel good. Get friends and family together to say good-bye to the winter doldrums and enjoy being together. Do something to live life full out.

Now is the time to draw on your inner strength and take your challenges on!

Not sure how to get started? I’m always happy to help out. Email me at info @ livingfullout.com. Can’t wait to hear from you!

 

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Resolutions or No, Make 2012 An Adventure!

by Nancy Solari on January 12, 2012

2012 has arrived and I am excited!  I feel inspired when I think about all that is possible in the beginning of a new year.  You have probably already thought about new commitments, or as some people call them, “new years resolutions.” This phrase can excite some people but others get intimidated about making declarations for fear that they will not be able to stick with them. “I’ve tried that before. I always quit around March or so. Why get my hopes up?” If you think you are going to fail, you will be challenged to generate any excitement for what you want to create.

Rather than bring the disappointment of incomplete intentions into 2012, think of this time of the year as hitting the reset button.  This could mean that you say good-bye and farewell to certain projects. It is okay to say, “You know, I’m just not going to do that,” and be free of what was once considered an obligation.  Other goals you could re-ignite and pursue with a renewed passion, and then there’s the new desires you want to fulfill.

What will make this year different from last year? How can you overcome the general malaise that overtakes a yearlong commitment? Often, people remember their goal over time but forget why they created it, which is a recipe for feeling burdened. Try this: think of one of your 2012 resolutions and write it down. Follow that statement with the sentence “I want to achieve this because….” and write down your motivations. You should automatically feel energized about reaching that goal because you are thinking about how you will feel once you accomplish it. Do this for all of your goals this year.

In 2012, I want to build a garden in my backyard. I want to achieve this because I love to garden, I want to use as much of our yard as possible, and I love homegrown vegetables (tomatoes off the vine!).

I also find timeframes helpful so that I am not overwhelmed with the feeling of having to do them all RIGHT NOW! If you set a time in the future that you are going to begin that project, you can relax and focus. Try this: next to each of those goals, write down a month you would like to begin working on it and then when you want it done.

Build boxes and design garden with planting calendar in January. (year-round)

You know that one of my tenets is support: finding resources to help you reach your goal. That could mean finding people to help you directly, finding organizations to get information, or simply finding a friend to talk it through. Try this: go back to your list and after the time frame, write down at least one resource you will contact for support.

Review square-foot gardening book, call Stacey for advice on backyard gardening.

Still not feeling it? Still feeling heavy and obligated? Here is great news: you don’t have to do anything! That’s right. If you are not ready to declare a goal for the New Year, don’t. Instead, take time to explore your desires and passions. In time you will find activities that you will want to pursue or goals that you will want to achieve. I encourage you to embrace the New Year with hope, excitement and love in your heart and let adventures unfold.

One of my favorite quotes comes from Abraham Lincoln: “The best thing about the future is that it happens one day at a time.” Whether you plan for outcomes or decided to dive in and watch what happens, live 2012 full out!

As always, you are welcome to reach out to me if you need support in achieving your goals. Contact me at info (at) livingfullout.com and let’s talk!

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Welcome the Warmth of December

by Nancy Solari on November 30, 2011

Of all the months of the year, December inspires me the most. The love in the air is so strong. While the holidays are in full swing, this is a great time for us to reflect on both the past and the future. We often begin to consider new goals for the coming year: things we want to do, learn and see. We might also think about loved ones from our past. As for me, I reflect back on holidays as a child and how loved I felt.  I also reflect back on moments in my life when I was tested and take pride in the strength I had to get through those moments.  I reflect on relationships that somewhere along the way got lost and I contemplate on how I might go about restoring those relationships.  All in all, December is a great time of the year to look back at your life and feel proud about your accomplishments, no matter how big or small. Don’t be afraid to meditate on what some might perceive as mistakes but what I like to think of as lessons learned. When I acknowledge these moments I give power to my ability to make better choices in the future.

What also excited me about December is thinking about what is possible in the New Year and that excitement allows me to dream BIG.  I use my journal to create a list of goals for the upcoming year. This list contains both personal and professional goals. For each one, I note why this goal is important, what I expect will happen when I achieve the goal and when I want to achieve it by.  I find that the more detailed I am in my vision for the New Year the more likely I am to succeed.  What are your goals for the New Year?

On of my favorite things about December is taking time to share with people I am close to how much I am grateful for their friendship and love.  While some people do this around Thanksgiving, I find that taking the month of December gives me ample time to call old friends, spend quality time with those who live locally, and write letters or emails. I also take this time to give back by doing what I can to make life easier for those in need and provide them inspiration during the holidays.

With December just beginning, what do you want to accomplish?  The great news is you have all month to reflect, plan and give thanks.  Living Full Out is about having gratitude for life. Giving thanks can be expressed by cherishing precious items in our life, but it can also be expressed by acknowledging our personal growth from life experiences.  When you can soak up all that life has to offer, both the good and the bad, and be vulnerable with yourself and others, you can allow yourself to reflect back on your life in the most honest way.  When you are able to release your fears and embrace what is possible, you can let yourself dream and create goals that will inspire you throughout each month of the year. Let yourself be passionate to the core about accomplishing those goals.

Here’s to you embracing all that December has to offer! If you find that you want assistance with setting your New Years goals or if reflecting back at your life unleashes emotions that you are not sure how to handle, I am always here for you.  Keep in mind that while living full out can be adventurous and exciting, it can also make us feel uncomfortable at times. Allow your emotions to give you the energy you need to step forward and act on your goals. I believe in you and remember: You are worth it!

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Contact me at info @ livingfullout dot com.

 

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Read the Signs

by Nancy Solari on November 10, 2011

I often talk and write about Living Full Out as an adventure: thrilling, exciting and enlivening. But that isn’t always what living full out feels like. Sometimes it is about facing reality even when it hurts.

There are times when we prefer to live in denial rather than face the signs life gives us. I know there have been times in my own life when I have done this, and my coaching clients have, too. Sometimes we don’t just miss out on signs but we dismiss facts or proof practically placed in our hands.

We might do this with our finances – we don’t balance our check book for fear of seeing that we are broke or we won’t open bills to avoid seeing the charges. It’s like they don’t exist if we don’t see them. Reading this now sounds silly but facing reality can be difficult and the mind likes to play tricks so we can avoid pain. We might tell ourselves, “I don’t have time to deal with that right now,” but if we are honest we just don’t want to deal with it at all.

With relationships, we can intuitively know that something is not right and be given hints along the way that we dismiss. We are blinded by love or think that a new friend is going to provide some benefit no one else ca, and so we choose not to acknowledge the facts. Eventually, though the facts add up and we can no longer avoid the truth. It’s at this time when we need to summon all of our strength and brave reality. Believe it or not, this is the Living Full Out part!

When you wake up to the truth, first do your best to digest the information coming in. Knowledge is power, as has often been said. It may feel bad to accept the news, but without it, you were living a lie in that area of your life and you can’t live full out living a lie.

Next, don’t translate the facts and come to a conclusion about yourself. You must take into consideration your insecurities, the influence of others and everyday demands as you collect information. You might feel keenly sensitive or foolish or depressed. You might have a friend advise you to take action before you are ready or a kind of action you aren’t comfortable with. Or perhaps your current obligations make it impossible for you to make a decision right then. Don’t turn the situation into evidence that you are a bad person or unworthy of self-forgiveness. What you need most now is to forgive your mistake and learn everything you can from it.

Also, consider the credibility of the source. Is what I am being told or the documentation provided for me from a reputable party? Is this something that could be researched and found out to be true? Is this something that I know is a fact, but have chosen to ignore? This will help you sort out what is real and what might be hearsay or simply bad advice. Checking the integrity of the source will make it easier for you to act when you are ready.

Living Full Out is about grasping life with both hands and enjoying all that your journey has to offer. Sometimes you face challenges, trauma and deception.  These are not life experiences that we can joyously embrace in the moment, but hidden in every struggle in our lives are valuable lessons. Living Full Out is about digesting the signs in both the good and bad experiences of life and knowing that they are not an accident. They are there to guide you. If you miss the sign the first time, sure enough, another sign will come your way and they will continue to come your way louder and louder each time.

Even in those dark moments of life we can be given signs. Sometimes these signs will give you hope, sometimes they will provide in insight of how you got there and different choices you could have made previously. This is when courage, confidence and insight will wash over you. You will no longer be in doubt or denial. Instead you will function from a place of strength and clarity. You will be able to say “I got it!”  From here, you will be able to take action or find the resources to get you from where you are to where you want to be.  You must get creative in taking contol of your destiny and realize that your dreams and goals are possible, and you are worth it!  I believe in you and I know that your life is waiting for you to get the signs and grab life with both hands and live full out!

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Need support seeing the signs and coming to terms with reality? I’d love to help. Email me at info @ livingfullout.com.

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The Mind/Heart Connection

by Nancy Solari on October 28, 2011

When we have a challenging experience – for instance, we find ourselves unemployed, we hear bad news about our health or the health of a loved one, or we end a relationship – we often find that our heart and mind are not on the same page. We are faced with the battle of doing what it takes to get through the day, sometimes to the point of denial or compartmentalizing issues, while internally we feel a whirlwind of emotions. Even though our heart feels vulnerable and overwhelmed, we have to keep our composure through issues and decisions the challenge brings us. (It is difficult to understand what the doctor is telling us when we are being emotional.) While having a powerful mindset is important in order to live your life, it is also important to consider what you are feeling and what intense conflicts are unresolved. You can’t keep the hurt pushed down forever in the name of “moving on.”

One of the most attractive qualities in a person is how authentic and open they can be with what they are feeling, whether it’s fear, anger, sadness or even relief or excitement. The word “emotion” is referred to as “energy in motion,” so when you turn off your emotions and only operate out of being rational, you are not able to fully ride the wave of human emotion and in turn are not able to fully experience the personal growth that major life events can bring. While it is easier and may be more protecting to operate on a daily basis from the brain, it is only tapping into a piece of the pie that makes up who you are.

Recently, I had to part ways with a friend of many years and while I was mentally able to separate myself from this person – like getting used to not seeing him everyday – my heart needed the extra time and love to catch up to my brain. I used my nurturing side to get in touch with what I was missing emotionally from that relationship and looked for ways to comfort myself. You, too, need to take the time and let your heart process. Find a safe environment where you can let your emotions exit your body – from having a good cry in sadness or beating your pillow in anger. Any kind of safe release will help you to move your heart forward along with your mind.

Once you get through this initial flood of feelings, then consider turning to what makes you happy, what motivates you, to nurture your soul. When my heart/mind connection is challenged, I turn to my passion for life. I talk to friends about my dreams, my important relationships and what I love about them, and how I plan to tackle the current situation. You might find writing in a journal is a great way to access your passion by letting your heart  unfold on paper. When you go back and read what you wrote, I promise you will find insights you didn’t realize you had inside you.

During this time of reflection, consider these important questions: “What do I really want out of myself or in life?”, “What brings me the most joy in life?”, and “How do I want others to think of me or what legacy do I want to leave behind?” Yes, these are deep questions, but understanding your heart often times requires going to a deep place when we push our heart down to protect ourselves or to deal with everyday life commitments and challenges. When you find yourself at a place when your mind, heart and internal passion are in alignment then you are truly living full out. This is not a balance that can be sustained in part because life throws things at us each day that knock us off that balance. Besides, part of life is the journey to find that harmony over and over again. No matter how dark your days are, know that around the bend is peace, love and purpose and that you are worth the effort to reach that place. Here’s to you Living Full Out and letting your mind, heart, and passion be free to explore and enable you to love big, laugh out loud, and be your best friend.

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I would love to help you find your passion in life. Contact me at info@livingfullout.com for coaching in bringing your heart, mind and passion together in harmony.

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Keep Your Goal In Mind

by Nancy Solari on October 16, 2011

Taking risks can be scary. Whether it is launching a new business, beginning the dating process or starting a new diet or workout, trying something we have not tried before can cause anxiety, simply because it is new.
Though people tend to be creatures of comfort and routine, change happens anyway. In fact, change is the one thing that is completely predictable about our lives. The fear of change might be the thing that keeps us from beginning a new project or quit early on in the process. One way to combat the worry and stress we take a gamble is to envision what your life will look like if you achieve your goal.

Recently, I lost 15lbs and wasn’t easy. I was used to eating the way I ate and spending the day the way I spent the day. Finding time to buy healthy food and going to the gym was new and inconvenient. On the other hand, I wasn’t happy with the way I looked and I new I could do better. I started to think about how I would feel in my clothes if I lost some weight. I imagined what my friends would say when they saw me. I used to exercise a lot, so I recalled how energized I was after a work out. Each day pushed myself out the door, armed with an iPod full of empowering, energetic songs, and went to the gym once or sometimes twice a day. I filled my refrigerator with healthy foods. I drank water.

I made progress and was feeling great about it. But then I noticed getting complacent in that when I desire unhealthy foods, I told myself “I’ve been so good, what will one bite hurt?” I notice on those days that I did not lose weight. It wasn’t the end of the world, and I did keep going toward my goal, but looking back on it now, I would have been further ahead I had just stayed the course. I needed to keep what I had envisioned close to me, reminding me of that the hard work was for. What really helped was going out with some friends on a Saturday night where they raved about how good I looked. That made me feel really good and validated all of my efforts. Once again, change is not easy but if you can hold on to your vision, you will be so pleased to know that you put yourself first and achieved your goal.

The same philosophy holds true for dating. So many times when people find themselves transitioning out of one relationship and beginning the dating process again, it can feel the last relationship was a waste of time and that dating is like starting over. If, however, you take the time to consider what you learned bout yourself, your desires and life itself, you can begin the process of envisioning what you want in a partner a new. With each relationship, that can change or even become more solidified. When you think about being in a supportive, loving, fulfilling relationship, it will be easier to get back on the dating horse.

I am still on my own pursuits to find my soul mate and I appreciate the transitioning process. I admit that in the beginning of the dating process I always have to take a deep breath and digest what I learned from my past relationship. I like to then journal about what I am looking for in my next love. The great thing about dating is that you expand yourself at a personal level, so rather than fight the process, I encourage your to embrace change and consider meeting new people as the beginning of a new chapter: one full of adventure, love and new memories to cherish.

Yes, I know it is easier to say, but truthfully, when you consider all the love songs and breakup songs that have been created over the years, transitioning from one relationship to another is something that we all have in common. I find a lot of comfort in knowing that I am not alone. There are so many great people that are in the same kind of transition and that special person who feels the same way you do right now is having the same intimidating thoughts. If you both are too afraid to take a chance, then you won’t find each other. Call me romantic but I know that if you are able to consider what a great catch you are and that you are truly worth unconditional and true love, then I encourage you to consider online dating, speed dating or attending parties put on by friends so that you can find that special person who thinks the same way about you. Keep in mind that while in a perfect world we find that new love quickly, there is so much personal growth that can come from this transitioning process that I recommend you bask in all that the dating process has to offer rather than try to rush it along. I promise you that you will come out of it a stronger and more desirable person.

Lastly, being a entrepreneur most of my life I have started and transitioned out of several businesses and so I know that starting a company can come with a lot of hard work, sleepless nights and stress. I also know that creating something new is special. Perhaps your new business stems from a life passion or you are part of something you now believe in therefore are willing to put in the time and hard work. Either way, you want to have a vision for what your success will look like. Since starting a business is such a large commitment both personally, emotionally, and financially, you need to have a crystal clear vision to help you get through the rough spots.

At the same time, you should to welcome change and embrace the unknown. I’ve always found having a business plan helpful which gives the direction I want my business to go in, but I have also been introduced to tools and mentors over the years that have adjusted my business plan and my vision for my business (for the better). If I refused their advice, I would not have been successful even with my intended goal. The best plan is to have a vision for what you want to accomplish but also be open to learning and growing. The practices that gave me comfort and support in launching any new business was seeking mentors to guide me through the process and asking questions. Sometimes people think that asking questions may appear like you don’t know what you are doing, but I’d rather ask than make a mistake that could cost me money or time. I’m confident that you will succeed at whatever you pursue and as long as you hold on to your passion and believe in yourself and what is possible then the hard days will challenge you but they will not throw you off course.

Living Full Out is about being fearless and taking risks. It is also about being true to yourself. Part of that process is acknowledging when you are intimidated but at the same time knowing that you are worth it and that your dreams are waiting for you. You just have to have the strength and confidence to claim it. If you need any support for any transitioning experiences that you are currently going through, know that I am here for you! Feel free to write me at info@livingfullout.com with your questions or concerns. I would love to help you through your life journey.

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The Crossroads of Friendship

by Nancy Solari on October 5, 2011

Recently, I experienced a major crossroad in my life and, to work through it, I turned to several friends and family for support. I was touched by how many people were willing to listen as I vented, cried or rambled about the situation, which are ways I process. Some people offered sage advice, obviously having my best interest at heart. Each time I thanked someone for being at my side, I was grateful that, over the years, I maintained close relationships with them.

Life is busy and demanding, and we can easily let months or years go by without speaking to those we love and care about. Sure, a good friendship is one where, after a long span of not speaking, you can pick up the phone and talk as though no time has passed. Perhaps, though, the real test of a friendship is calling or taking a call when you don’t think you have time. While some relationships in my life have come and gone, those that I kept close to my heart have proven essential in supporting me to stay true to myself despite life challenges. Family and friends that know you best are your light when life looks dark. They hold your hand when life gets unstable. Best of all, they love you unconditionally throughout any ups and downs. The reality is it takes time and effort to keep those kinds of relationships, relationships we need, alive.

I have known several people over the years who chose to let life overwhelm them and neglected important relationships. When they met a life crossroad and turned around to look for support to make it through, they were sad to find their community had shrunk. They didn’t invested the time and energy necessary to keep a large community behind them. At the end, people don’t reflect on cars they owned, money they earned, or places they visited. People reflect on who they loved and who loved them. They remember special moments they shared with others, accomplishments they celebrated. Life is about how we spend our journey and that is gauged by the love we gave and received.

If you are the type of person who takes time to nurture relationships in your life, then I applaud you. You are Living Full Out and you are supporting others on their journey. If you find that you have let some relationships go and desire to reconnect, the great news is, it is never too late. All authentic relationships have a pilot light that from time to time go out, but if you choose to reconnect, all you have to do is relight it and that relationship will fire up quickly. If you realize that you are allowing life to wall you up from a majority of significant friendships, then I encourage you to pick up the phone right now and call someone. All it takes is extending out your hand and taking a leap of faith. Share yourself. Let your friends and family know that you are looking to reignite the love and connection you let go out. If your relationships were at one time strong and contained the healthy ingredients of a close friendship, then with some effort you will be able to reunite.

Remember that a good, quality friendship is one that includes talking and listening. If you are someone who tends to only call when you need something (like a shoulder to cry on), then practice starting each conversation with “How are YOU?” Then don’t say a word. Practice being there for others and watch your relationships flourish. If, on the other hand, you are someone who has a hard time being vulnerable even though you completely love your friends and family, then try inserting “I could use some help me with something” into conversations and then ask a specific question. You could ask for advice on a problem you have or you could request help with a project you are working on. What you will find is that people, just like you, love to be needed. Watch your friends and family glow with love when they get to help you for maybe the first time.

Looking back on my latest life challenge, I appreciate having understanding and loyal friends. I am confident that I drew strength from those who love me and that love got me through those dark days now in the past. Living Full Out is having strong, supportive relationships that enable us to continue on our journey of living happy, successful lives.

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KFWB – February 19, 2011

by admin on February 21, 2011

Show #9: February 19, 2011

During this heart-felt show, Nancy coaches callers on various pressures in their lives. Nancy shares tips on how to better communicate your needs and fustrations when it comes to relationship pressures. Nancy provides valuable advice when it comes to handling the strain of financial pressure. While everyday stresses seem to always come up, Nancy provides ways in which you can best manage these stresses in your life. If you are under pressure in any aspect of your life, this is the show for you

If you didn’t catch the show, please feel free to listen below.

Until next week,

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KFWB – February 12, 2011

by admin on February 14, 2011

Show #8: February 12, 2011

During this special Valentine’s Day show, Nancy shares advice for knowing if you’re in the right relationship. Several listeners call in to share their dating dilemmas and get useful tips from Nancy on where to find that special someone. Nancy also discusses the warning signs – how to know when you’re in a relationship that isn’t safe or supportive. This show covers it all – helping you in strengthen all the relationships in your life, so you can live full out, every day of the year.

If you didn’t catch the show, please feel free to listen below.

Until next week,

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KFWB – February 5, 2011

by admin on February 12, 2011

Show #7: February 5, 2011

In this week’s show, Nancy discusses the controversial topic of cheating…in relationships, in business, with ourselves. Several listeners call in and share how cheating has impacted their lives. Nancy gives concrete ways to live a life of integrity and resist the temptation to cheat, no matter what the situation. This show will surely inspire you to Live Full Out in your life!

If you didn’t catch the show, please feel free to listen below.

Until next week,

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